Deeper into the......

The things that I think about are sometimes on a very small scale or sometimes they are on a rather enormous scale but what doesn't change is the pattern...The questions that occur to me they never cease..... There are just so many questions that I sometimes wonder when will I ever get the answer to all of these.....But then I remember that this human body which is currently being used will cease to exist after some time.....So what will happen to all the thoughts that occurred in this brain and all the experiences that it went through? Well as everyone assumes and probably are right about,it all goes or let's just say it becomes unusable for anyone cause the person who could have explained it is no more in that human body..... Along these lines I was thinking........ And then I started digging deep to understand what is death.... Cause if there has been anything that I am actually afraid of was the idea that there will come a time when I will not be able to question,experience,think,see,hear,smell,talk,write,feel or any number of other activities that we all do on a daily bases..... And may be that's why everyone keeps saying you live only once or carpe diem.... And even this blog which may or may not be read by anyone in future or in the present...... But will that change anything? I will still cease to exist after a while and if that's the case then what is the point of all this curiosity? And just for convenience to everyone I am referring to myself as I otherwise the reference would be something like this human body which is currently occupied by something which enables it to function on numerous levels.......Which will be very long to type and very confusing..... Anyways going back to the point again,we exist and then we do not exist the time which goes in between is just our perception cause who knows and who will there be to confirm what all this is? Sometimes there just seems no difference between the dreams we see when our eyes are closed and when they are open...... It just seems like we are trapped..... and trapped in this weird place which just doesn't have any real answers to satisfy our curiosity,it's like an ant which just keeps going on and on around a specifically made shape. That ant can virtually never escape from that shape cause it just doesn't understand what that shape is.... even if that ant chooses any direction it's still on that shape....and the beauty of that shape is it has no walls to it.... the ant is free to roam wherever it seems fit to it..... Similarly we just keep asking question and question and there are just no concrete answers.... cause we are not fully able to understand what this place is,or for that matter what's our purpose in it....... We just may be unable to understand it even with our superior intellect...... Then again it's just us and by us I mean humans who say that they have superior intellect there is no one else to confirm or deny this,and we compare this with the beings that we have been seeing all this time.....

I just think that humans are being a bit too cocky for their own good making everything about them....... Me included.... they think that they deserve to know the answers to all their questions cause someone somewhere owes them something.....But it's just not the case....... This place whatever it is was here long before we were/are/will be...... And mostly I am right about this cause that explains a lot of things like for example why no one's prayers to any god are answered or why it's the humans who are telling other humans what to do or what not to do on numerous levels. And things like that...... It is highly possible that we are just so insignificant that nothing would be any different than what it was after this human race is extinct..........

It's funny actually and more importantly it hurts the ego of each and every human being just the fact that we are insignificant is unacceptable for them.... The most likely proof that my this theory might be correct is the human behavior itself...... always doing something or the other to get attention of everyone around them just to show that they are something and they are worth noticing..... everyone on this planet is doing just that...... of course the means are very different from one another and vary depending on person to person but in a nutshell it's highly likely that it's just what I described above........

In the end all I want to say is that this was actually quite disappointing.....So far in my journey to understand what this world and what our purpose is, it just seems so futile...... Nothing can be changed or introduced a new in this world everything was always here just in different form....and all that has been happening in all these years since the dawn of human is change of forms........ from one form to another and then to another which quite frankly gives it a stench of several million years...... If I was to summarize my life or the experience in this world so far I guess this is what it would say, It would have been so much better if none of this had happened in the first place,nothing leads to nothing so that's what should have happened, nothing. 

Purpose

I have been thinking about a lot of things for a while now and this time I want to write about something that I am currently processing. Purpose. The more I think about our purpose and when I say our I mean anything that can be considered as living, the more I think about it the more I wonder is there even any meaning to it? A purpose acts in a similar way a program acts in any computer. It guides the system to do what it's function is. And for some reason I just can't figure out what our purpose is.... Now when I say purpose I mean something that will show us a path to somewhere whether that place is better than this place I know not,but when one wonders about one's existence you have to look for a purpose. Cause so far from what I've observed without purpose nothing has a meaning to it. If you give it a thought you would understand that all those people who are doing various jobs,like from collecting the garbage to being a leader to a country what they are doing cannot be called purpose of their lives are they doing something? Yes definitely but is there any meaning to their actions? That is a puzzling question,cause here is the thing let's for a minute assume that everything that can be called living will be wiped out in the next 30 years or so. Will their actions be any more relevant in that scenario? And even if we don't assume what I said above is their any meaning at all to these actions? Life or for that matter the whole legacy of life on earth and if there are any planets that can harvest life those too,are virtually meaningless purposeless. All of this you can call it whatever you want to world,us,human beings anything ultimately all of that is just a tiny blot on the endless stretch of timeline.....

 And then I wonder if what I think is correct then why are we in existence cause if I am good at anything at all in my opinion I am good at observing and another thing that I have observed in my continued existence is that there are no meaningless actions. Every creation has a function be it a very petty function in comparison to for a lack of good term I will go with infinity, it has a function nonetheless to give an example it's like this,nothing in this world is completely terminated there is no such thing as vanishing into thin air both figuratively and literally,everything just keeps changing forms,things are alive when they are not they start to change form into smaller pieces and how small these pieces are? That will be small on atomic level,but even then they do not vanish they are still in existence and even an atom is not the smallest piece there are another three small pieces proton neutron and electron out of which proton can even be dissected further into quarks each proton has three quarks 2 up quarks and one down quark,anyways point of saying all that is everything is just changing forms. and combination of these small virtually none existing particles make everything in this universe. And even these particles make a function once they combine together in different types,ways or combinations.... If you think about all of this it makes you wonder how complex the design of this universe must be and if there are multiverses then that too......

 The point of saying all of the above is the more you think about all of this the less it seems likely that all of this was just simply an accident and again even if it's not a accident that still doesn't explain the lack of purpose that we all share. It's something like this,it just doesn't matter if a person paints a miraculous painting but everyone except him is blind,ergo there is no point in creating such a complex world if there is no one to see it. I mean why would the existence even matter if ultimately everything is going to end? And the reverse is also true what's the point of existence if there is no end to it? This is what we call a paradox.

 If there is any conclusion to this matter I highly doubt that there will be anyone in the present or the future who would be able to understand it and explain this to anyone.... With that said this is my opinion about this subject in a way it's good that this body will die after it has reached its limit cause it seems pointless to live in a world where you or anyone around you is unaware of their existence in this place. And purpose for that matter and the biggest joke about all of this is the one that they call god is no where to be seen to even tell them why they are here or any questions of this kind. It just seems that we are in a endless maze which we think is around us but it can very well be just our imagination yet we do not know how to get out of it.

Curious more than ever....

For a few days now I've been thinking why is it that all these questions just seem to bug me..... when I look around people just seem unfazed or resistant or able to completely block a lot of the questions which I just can't seem to do.... I just cannot ignore these obvious question which I've mentioned in my previous posts and the ones which I will in my future posts..... So I started thinking about it out of all the possibilities that came to my mind the following two seem more likely of course I cannot say about everyone as every person is unique but if I had to generalize the following two will be the most likely possibilities the first one is they just don't think about any of these things..... and the second one which if true would easily make me,quite possibly the most retarded person in human history, everyone except me have already encountered most of these if not all questions and have already found the answers to them.........

But the problem is as usual I didn't stop thinking there I went on and thought about those two possibilities even further....  so I personally found the idea quite ridiculous that people won't think about all these questions that just seem to be there I mean these questions are so obvious that everyone has GOT to think about them at one point or another cause if they are not it's a really huge problem cause if humans cannot ask these questions to themselves how can they say that they have progressed/evolved? Wouldn't all this progress/evolution just make them the same as cave man but with better tools and about five million years worth of experience in their genes? And if this idea turns out to be the truth that is just more bad news for every human who was/is/will be on this planet....... Cause that would mean that not only we have not progressed/evolved but we are basically about five million years behind from finding the truth..... Let's assume that this just turns out to be as ridiculous as it sounds......

And as for the second possibility,if that is the truth then the whole point of me thinking all these things become a big joke. Cause even if I do think of all these things I can never actually match the intellect that other humans have reached to. And secondly if that is the case then I simply become a failure who couldn't even find one answer to any of the questions which the other humans have already solved.......... Basically no matter which turns out to be the truth it doesn't seem a good news whatsoever.........

And then there is a third possibility which if true will make all my possibilities including the ones that I already disqualified/removed seem worthless..... That possibility is of course me being incapable of drawing any sort of conclusions..............

Aside from that I was able to understand the error in my ways to find answers to the questions that bug me,I was more focused on how to solve these questions than actually start to solve them..... This is something I should have been able to think in very early stages.....A very important thing came to my mind when I actually started my attempts to solve the questions,to solve any and all problems one must find clues to that problem....... But here is the beauty/the ingeniousness of these questions no one can be sure of what the clues are hence no one can eliminate anything cause anything and everything can be a clue to solving the problems which makes these problems so beautiful/ingenious that if you solve them you basically will be able to achieve  something that exceeds everything that can be offered to you in this world. Total and complete knowledge of anything and everything. which in turn would explain why humans have such a high level of brain capacity..... which is why it seems plausible that you have to assume that anything and everything is a clue and keep thinking about everything simultaneously and you just may solve one of the problem,but of course there is no way to know whether you have the correct answer or not........... And that just makes me ever more interested in these problems.......   

Bonds.

Through out the history of humans we can notice some things that are common like, War,Love,Survival,Connection etc. but I am more interested in the connection part, as far as it comes to this post, from ancient times everyone tried to connect with other people or in some cases with gods, aliens etc. but they were trying to connect with another, and that makes me wonder why?

Why do we seem to give so much importance to the connection with another thing that lives just like us, some people talk to their pets as if they could understand and respond to them, and yet it seems so general and common that people hardly even notice it let alone think about it...... People need some sort of connection with another be it something like going through similar circumstances or thinking in similar way, basically they try to find similarity maybe in them and the other person...... People talk, they share their idea's their dreams, their nightmares, just about everything that is expressible through words if and when that fail or is not enough they paint things to describe it more properly..... but the need for another person to understand what one person is feeling seems inevitable.....  Now I'm pretty sure that people may say what I am doing is similar, why else would I write a blog, but that doesn't concern me cause I'm just as sure that not many read it thoroughly enough to question something like this, and if they do it's just another reminder that I'm writing this blog so I can revisit these thoughts in future if I forget them...... So back to what I was saying, that need never seems to change, be it in old times or be it now...... so I was wondering as to why? Why do people want a opinion from another person about something that they are going through?  I mean it'd make more sense if they themselves thought about it and came up with a answer without asking anyone, or if they are not in a real question why would they search for a answer that wouldn't change anything? 

These type of questions bugged me for a while...... but then I came up with a possible answers...... there is a good chance that people may have made this a habit of connecting with another, or maybe they do it just like they learn to talk, or learn anything for that matter by imitating another...... or maybe they just want to have a third persons view in their life, some one who isn't going through with whatever is happening to them but can relate to it and give them the advice they are seeking..... well these are just a few of any number of possibilities as to why people want to connect with each other.....

Still that is not what I am looking for.... I think to search for a proper answer I'll need to go deeper.... like why was the language invented, why the humans in the past felt the need to go through an extremely elaborate procedure of inventing language something that will help them express what they think,felt or experienced....... 

Fathomless.

Around two nights ago I had epiphany, I guess I was just wondering whether I should write that here..... As I've said before our existence doesn't really matter in the end, but what's even more disturbing yet amusing is, everything seems to be in just the right spot to create circumstances that allow our kind of life form to exist in this world........ And when one looks at the sky we all see the stars glowing ever so brightly in the inky black skies........ that just makes one feel so tiny...... And then I think about the problems that people think they have in their daily lives, just seems so petty........

If only they could see that their life is merely a minuscule particle in comparison to the space and time...... And even if they read this they may just think this guy is out of his mind saying, that the problems that people face in their daily lives are not important...... But if you really think about it that's just how it appears to be........ And then comes the mention of God, the entity that people refer to as the one who governs over the world...... People pray to him, ask for his forgiveness, tell him their deepest desires, they apparently tell him everything in faith........ Faith that he will not disclose to anyone else what a particular person has said to him......... But it seems kind of funny to me, people say that God is the almighty who knows everything who can do anything and everything he just chooses not to, assuming that's true, why would God be interested in anyone's life as he already knows what's going to happen to a certain person? Or for that matter give them anything that they ask for if that person and everyone else perfectly know, if they think about it, that any desire that can be made to anyone just includes something from this materialistic world which they are ultimately going to relinquish when they die........ 

When I see people running for something they desire, for example a new and better house to live a new car a better car perhaps, a better lifestyle, more money so that they'll be one step closer to happiness and satisfaction perhaps? But they just never get there..... I mean of course people get happy all the time, but that glory is very short lived they always need something more after achieving the desired object........ And it just seems funny to me that not one of them are trying to understand the why behind anything........ Or if there is someone and of course there is going to be some one other than me who has these questions....  he like me must be wondering the same thing.........

Going back to the God subject, so God never asks you to do anything, he never tells to you tell him anything, ask him for his forgiveness, pray to him, or for that matter he never even shows that he exist yet we believe that he exists and by definition some people don't think he exist but aren't these just opinions of those who won't even exist after a certain time? So it just takes me back to my previous subject..... the insignificance of our existence......

As always more thought is needed to this subject as the scale of this subject is incomparable to anything that I know of...... But there is one thing that I would like to point out to myself here, I used to be scared of this subject a few years ago, and now I understand the reason behind it, we are afraid of the unknown, once I started forcefully thinking about it, I admit it I was really scared from the inside but now it's not the same, now I am getting more intrigued by the very depth of it...... I cannot ever truly be sure whether this can be called as progressing or regressing but then again who knows........ when you dive this deep into thoughts I don't think the direction make much sense......

Tranquil

I know not whether it's the path I've chosen to walk on, or whether it's the way I think about the world and in turn think about myself, but lately I've been feeling peaceful..... for some reason that is completely beyond me, I am actually feeling not at all involved in this world...... more like all the things that happen around me seem insignificant........ well in a way that's true...... as I wrote in my previous Blog but still this feeling is something I had not expected....... When I first started thinking about all of this, I had expected me going insane, or maybe killing myself to run away from all the questions that had been bothering me, but no instead I feel more calm, composed....... Again I know not whether it's calm before another storm or this truly is what will last for the rest of my life but in my journey of finding the true meaning of human existence this is a new experience, and needless to say like every other experience so far I'm left with more questions, but this seems to me like a milestone....... but then again there is always a possibility that I'm way off my target but I wouldn't know till I at least reach a wrong goal....

Also there was this thought that is in my mind I am yet to understand or think about it but it goes something like this, "Engulf me in the vastness of your creation, I want to go so far deep in there that there will come a point when you and I will no longer be two, no words will be needed to say cause there will remain nothing to say, no vision will be needed cause there will remain nothing left to see, no mind will be needed cause there will be nothing to think over/about, and in being one with you we'll be whole once again......."

Clearly not much sense it makes if one thinks about it logically but for some reason it just pop'd in my mind one day..... but as I said I need to think this over so I can understand it better, it may take me forever to understand or I may never understand it but I need to keep this so it doesn't slip my mind somehow........

Insignificant.......

Lack of motive, lack of ambitions, lack of purpose, lack of will to survive these are some of the qualities that I am able to see in myself while some may call it depression (or most of them) it really doesn't matter if one knows that the end doesn't change, and once that end of the line hits it doesn't matter whether you went crying or calmly or maybe even confident and smiling......

Fact and matter remains that you are gone no more of anything, for example doesn't matter what you thought about the world,what your dreams were,or what you actually did when you were in this world, and if I'm not wrong in assuming I wonder if there is any exception to what I'm about to write here..... no one knows why we are here...... what's our purpose if there is any..... we have just built walls of illusion around us so that we feel like we are protected from what will really bother us, sense of not having a purpose in this life not understanding what are we supposed to do if ultimately nothing is really going to matter, now any number of people can argue with me on the statement I've written above, for example what if Edison didn't invent the electric bulb, or any number of other inventions that now we so freely use, but that's a whole other argument.

Sometimes it feels like we all are just using these big shields of our imaginations called society, relations, friends, enemies, and who knows how many others..... sometimes it feels like and infinite loop that can/may/will end if an external force is applied to it... every being on this planet is doing more or less the same thing, the same damn beginning to every person, same cycle of growth and end, all that is different is his own opinions but then again even that is insignificant against everything that is around us, this hollow that we are living in and call our home......

let's hope that someday I/we understand what is all of this.