Lack of motive, lack of ambitions, lack of purpose, lack of will to survive these are some of the qualities that I am able to see in myself while some may call it depression (or most of them) it really doesn't matter if one knows that the end doesn't change, and once that end of the line hits it doesn't matter whether you went crying or calmly or maybe even confident and smiling......
Fact and matter remains that you are gone no more of anything, for example doesn't matter what you thought about the world,what your dreams were,or what you actually did when you were in this world, and if I'm not wrong in assuming I wonder if there is any exception to what I'm about to write here..... no one knows why we are here...... what's our purpose if there is any..... we have just built walls of illusion around us so that we feel like we are protected from what will really bother us, sense of not having a purpose in this life not understanding what are we supposed to do if ultimately nothing is really going to matter, now any number of people can argue with me on the statement I've written above, for example what if Edison didn't invent the electric bulb, or any number of other inventions that now we so freely use, but that's a whole other argument.
Sometimes it feels like we all are just using these big shields of our imaginations called society, relations, friends, enemies, and who knows how many others..... sometimes it feels like and infinite loop that can/may/will end if an external force is applied to it... every being on this planet is doing more or less the same thing, the same damn beginning to every person, same cycle of growth and end, all that is different is his own opinions but then again even that is insignificant against everything that is around us, this hollow that we are living in and call our home......
let's hope that someday I/we understand what is all of this.
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