Intricacy of life.

Sometimes one cannot rid the feeling of being trapped in the physical body,sometimes it just seems confusing,sometimes one just wonders what is the difference between being awake and being in a sleep where you are having series of dreams...... This sense of self awareness just seems like a burden that you cannot shake off....... But then again if you were not awake in your mind you could not have possibly perceived what I'm saying nor I could have written all this..... It's just nature of our being is very complicated, we have a sense of self the 'I' is something we all have in common, that sense of me keeps us from going insane against the infinite scale of our surroundings, keeping us from self destructing, keeping us together in a vast sea with seemingly no limits......

But if one really tries to think about all this they will soon find themselves lost or loosing the grip over reality or caught in a dilemma.... But as always nothing is less worthy in this world so the problem that I'm currently facing is, how to go beyond that I,me as a being...... I am actually trying to cross the line which is drawn by our millions and millions years of evolution a sort of fail safe from keeping ourselves in survival mode......

Clearly if I make wrong moves I may loose my sanity or the shock can send me in a vegetative state, cause if I'm not wrong that's the function of that fail safe..... but I can't help the basic instinct that we all human beings share that is curiosity, curiosity that fuels everything around us, the reason I'm trying to do all this is I strive for the knowledge, absolute and complete knowledge of anything that is worth knowing which is for the most part everything except maybe the things that are man made.......

So let's hope that I find what I seek and unlock some of the mysteries that have a major role in stopping me from enjoying the world around me.

Prime Mover......

There I was once again in doubt...... whether to post it or not cause the depth of this subject(unfortunately cause of my poor vocabulary I have to use "Subject" but it's far more than just a subject....) is so deep and so much that I just can't seem to find the courage to put it in words....

So like I mentioned in my previous blog that I came to know something that I like to call 'Mechanism' but then me being a Human I wanted to go beyond that, so I tried and it took me a while to notice it I admit it, I had to really try and see it this time but I think i caught another glimpse of it, what I saw this time needless to say it is impossible to describe in words cause words just don't seem all that capable when it comes to this, but like I said this time I caught a glimpse of the one who governs over this 'Mechanism'.........

Well it's more of a force than a deity or a being...... it's more of a spark that runs this whole machine that's the best how I can describe it ( I'm deeply sorry if I'm making no sense.)

So when I saw this 'spark' I was wondering.... what makes it all so godlike that people address it as God, The One, Creator, Almighty, Morpheus and so on........ and then yet again the answer was right in front of me, it's simplicity will never cease to amaze me and this is the one time only I'm gonna say this cause that's just how it is.

The simplicity of it is, it just knows everything and it just directs the unfinished thoughts or idea's from one to another through this gargantuan network it has established in human brains, more like they say nothing can be truly destroyed in this world, things just change forms similar to that neither idea's or thoughts are created or destroyed they are more of experience of our ancestors or those who have lived before us and they just come to us through genes or sometime through our dreams, I mean the idea on the first look really seems dumb even lame, trust me even I thought so for a moment but then again, and I will be quoting the great Einstein on this one, "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

So who is to say that even our thoughts are reliable? But putting that aside there it was, that 'spark' is just channeling thoughts, idea's,experiences to people all the time and those who grasp it seem to think that they had an idea and they start working on it thus moving towards what was always gonna happen. If by some chance they don't get it on their own someone else gives them the same thing they were always gonna get, and so on there can be a numerous scenario's............................ clearly I or you cannot grasp what that spark knows..... or is able to see...... but nonetheless it has intrigued me even more.

"The more I open my eyes and my mind the more I am able to see and understand, I am hoping this will carry on for as long as I'm alive, cause the worst thing that I can do is shut my eyes and my mind to this beautiful world and be consumed in hatred and jealousy and bitterness towards my own kind who are just as much in all this as I am, all those things or emotions or thoughts you can call it anything you want, binding me from getting what I really want, what I strive for, Absolute and complete knowledge of everything."

Mechanism....

For a while now I've been struggling with myself whether to write this on my Blog or not, but then again as no one reads it other than me I thought why not?

I've been searching as to why I was here in this world for a couple of years now, I admit that first it started as a innocent question and I myself wasn't fully aware of the depth of this question, but as time slowly started showing it's miracle I became more and more aware of the question I thought I'd find the answer to, clearly I failed, and again I started looking, failed again, this happened for a number of times, and I started getting angry about the very fact that i was not able to see the answer to that question, let alone see it I wasn't even sure whether it was even there or not, and unfortunately people around me aren't exactly focused on that question, they are not around the same task or quest of finding why they are here in this world, they are unfortunately wrapped in this world and it's marvels for them........

Can't say that I blame them, but I certainly was not listening to the same drummer as they all were probably still are, I was more interested in search of another drummer rather I was wondering if there might be another one who is playing the real tune, the tune we all really need to listen to, I obviously was not able to find anything remotely close to it, and then when I was angry and depressed.... well angry cause I had failed over and over again in the quest which I foolishly set for myself..... and depressed well that's a story for another time.

I found something which was always there I just was not able to see it cause I was too busy looking outside towards the world and pointing out their mistakes instead of looking what was with me this whole time, a faint image, a sort of vision a fading thought perhaps I can hardly describe what that something was, but it got my attention and I capitalized on it, soon I understood that my decision was quite spot on for that situation which I was in.....

That image which I saw...... it sort of changed my perspective to look at things...... more like I understood I was taking all this whatever that was happening the wrong way, and I felt so foolish....... All this time I wasted in search of the answer which I was growing sure was never there, will never be there........ felt like a funny twist of things, I was too naive to see what was going on....... but now perhaps I just may have seen the faintest image of why we all are here......

A B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L......... mechanism........ so beautiful that I am forced to write it the way I wrote it the first time..... the ingeniousness of this mechanism is so far beyond words....... I can only try and elaborate it here........

For every small decision one makes, the mechanism has a plan ready for it, the mechanism adapts itself towards every change in decision one makes and the result of is never something that wasn't supposed to happen.......... please forgive me if I am not making any sense...... I will try that again. The mechanism like I said has a plan for events to happen but what is beautiful about it is that the end result has already been decided no matter how many different decision one thinks he has made he cannot change the end result. that is what I meant when I said it adapts..... and even though I may not sound convincing please feel free to observe it for yourself, cause it's always around us, 'everyone of us' is surrounded by this mechanism, choice is after all a delusion that was given as an idea from that mechanism so we will not feel trapped, but in reality we may all be trapped tighter than ever to this mechanism........

I wonder how much of that will I be able to prove someday...... but rest assured I'd not have put it here if I had not thought that I've seen it.......... clearly I need more knowledge if I am to understand this.........

Light in the Darkness.

For many generations now we have been hearing about tales of light prevailing darkness, in our fairy tails, in mythological wars, and even in our history some have been called evil and those who oppose that evil has been called heroes, just another example of light and dark.

Still if we are to consider the vastness of the darkness that is outside, i.e. in space, or even inside our own mind/heart one will know how little light there is,and then just like that a curious thought was there in my mind, if I can I'll quote it, "Those who fight for light/take side of the light are actually using up their own burning energy to shed light,to take light side, but when they have emitted their energy and when they realize that there is no more light remaining in them, they join the darkness forever."

And now when I look at this thought I wonder how funny it is, those who were fighting for light as in all the good in the world never I guess realized that one day this energy that they have in them which they are using may be gone and they will take the side of what they were fighting for, may be indirectly but that will always happen cause, nothing as vast or as unlimited as darkness is found yet, unless you consider love, but then again those who have experienced true love are but a rare breed.

So the question becomes is light really something worth fighting for, I mean even though it may sound like I'm taking side of the dark it wouldn't really matter if there was no light, light and dark are such tremendous forces that all the space in this world is not enough for them to co-exist they keep on fighting each other, one way or the other, be it darkness of human heart/mind or be it darkness in material world or be it in any other form, it will always keep on fighting to light trying to dominate everything with it's presence and vice versa.

I guess I need a lot of time to thoroughly think this one,but at least this thought occurred to me now, better late then never I'd say..........

Delusion

We humans are so proud o our high intellect and the capacity of our brain cause of which we seem to conquer everything around us,we like to dominate the scene we like to be in control,we are so sure of our knowledge over the years and the lessons that experience has taught us that we think that we have understood the equation and we just might be a few steps closer to solving it and rewriting it in our own way. Again this is just a thought.

But the question that surfaces if this is true, Really?

If we can't understand ourselves how do we plan on understanding this gigantic equation that is everywhere,even as I type these words who is to say that it's not part of the equation. So are we really doing anything on our own? Or is it just a mere delusion given to us? And if so then what is the big picture that we are not even able to set our gaze upon.......

We try to fight with ourselves on numerous levels, Physically that the battle to conquer something that is material, Otherwise we fight in our head to gain control of our emotions,decisions,perceptions,conceptions,our thoughts.......

Yet one has no answers, nothing that he can completely rely on, and we have given names to everything that is around us, for ourselves to differentiate between things, like for a particular type of behavior we call it something,we brand it. So when I type all of this which is in my head that I want to put it down on a medium so I won't forget or if I am to progress over the years I can update it, a person who has learned how to understand patterns of thought flow which occur from time to time will brand me with a name..... be it paranoia, be it highly intellectual, or anything, fact remains that we are missing something huge I don't know how but we have completely missed a important particular of the equation and till we find it we have no chance of solving this equation.

And in a completely unrelated matter,People come and people go from our lives,what is important on the other hand, you have just got to ask the right questions to right people to get what you want. But for that you first have to know what you really want........

Compiling......

All of us meet people everyday, some people we know like our parents,relatives,friends,girlfriend(s) people we see regularly neighbors etc. , some people we don't like strangers, but in all these one thing is sure that they all interact with us. That is why we name them how we name them, some of them are good some of them are bad but, they are the reason that we are shaped into who we are today. They are the reason we turn out to be who we are, not entirely of course. A person's character is who he truly is, so with that in mind he will react to a certain situation in a certain manner what we think of the action and the result is something we take away from that event as an experience and these experiences shape us ultimately. But the thing that really interests me is that one can be anyone who he wants like I've said in my previous post, but also he can be only a puppet to his character....

When they say that school shapes us,helps us make our decisions in future life, I on the other hand would say that every day of our life mold us to who we are when we die, but more importantly what we take as our experience from the little events that happen in our lifetime make us who we are as a character as a person as a human being, so if I may say this, if there are criminals in our society we are partially responsible for that to be so.The thing here is that all of this is so co-dependent on each other that even if I say something here it is more of a my view on things.......

Just gives me a glimpse of the vastness of this whole universe,and the realization that how tiny and worthless I am in comparison to the creator........ no wonder we bow down to him.......

And the vastness of his creation alone overwhelms me,and all our lives we are trying to gain something as lame as recognition from others and others being the people around us who are just like us, tiny and unable to make a difference to the creation of the one......

.....Well even though this is something it's not the whole thing there is more to this subject unfortunately I'm not able to put it in words right now.....

Understanding words.....

There are so many words in so many languages, a lot of languages and almost countless words.... but sometimes, sometimes words just fail to say what one really wants to say, at that time it almost shows us how petty words can be, not being able to say what you think or what you feel is just unfortunate, as we express ourselves through words, words are almost like our secondary senses but when that fails, we feel some how exposed.

Well truth to be told this is what I thought, but for myself I'll be clearing or may be complicating this by explaining it further....

We become exposed to the raw world that surrounds us, reminds us that animals do not use language keeps us in believing that we are more intelligent than they are shows us why we are humans and they are animals, but I was wondering to myself.... why do we want to draw boundaries everywhere we go....?

We define Animals to Humans, we draw boundaries on the planet we live on saying this is one country that is another, we make part within ourselves, like race difference, color difference, language difference etc.... and when everything on the outside is done parting we part ourselves... we part our views our thoughts from feelings our desires from just something that we want cause some one else has it...... So many partitions....... and some people say they are trying to get rid off partitions, I wonder if they themselves have realized that there are partitions in them also..... which partitions are they trying to get rid off?

One always knows what is right and what is wrong, but then again what is right and what is wrong to begin with? mere words to show, to help us understand, make sense of things around us.... and restrict those who have any conscience left.And after everything is said and done, not much really matters......

In the darkness

Every day I see people, people who have lived through a lot of things, are living through a lot of things, will live through a lot of things, they think in a certain manner, they have drawn boundaries for themselves..... But above all they all seem to be pretty happy or if I can say this, they seem at least ok with what's going on around.

I on the other hand get up everyday trying to understand numerous things, the things I will write here may seem petty or may be even lame... but I cannot help thinking about them and wanting to understand those things, I never quite understood why people are just okay that they don't really know the purpose of their lives, how can they just ignore the bloody fact that they are living a life and all the experience that they have all that they will gain in due course of time and the knowledge which they will attain, will all be gone once they die, all their worldly possessions won't really matter at that time, but obviously I can clearly answer why they do so, my question was rhetorical, it seems like not one day I was able to ignore that question, It always is just around me, I guess the quote which says, "We are confined in our own body for a lifetime." is right.... for me it's more like my body wasn't enough so the creator gave me an extra form of confinement, a question which I may not be able to find answer of.......

Sometimes I think it must be wondrous to be someone else just, having different types of questions in their life, like what my future might be like, or maybe what sort of girl will I marry, or may be whether I'll be a good father, something that can be answered or may be you hope that it due time this question just might get answered.... But thinking about something that just might never end, or you may not get an answer to that question, never truly understand the question itself, or if you get an answer you just might now understand it makes me want to shut off my brain and give in to the eternal peace that is just waiting for me at the end of it all, which will greet me as a old friend and take me with it.

I just hope that what I am calling eternal peace shouldn't turn out to be a even worse nightmare than this one is....... cause if it is, who can help us......

It's about what you feel inside.

I heard this beyond words song and couldn't help but relate myself to the song, the name of the song is Madno.

Now I can go on and on about the song itself cause it's so beautiful to begin with but, I won't be doing that today on this post at least.What I want to say on the other hand is, the song got me thinking what must have the writer felt when he actually wrote this song,or may be the singers who sang it.And I thought it must have really touched their souls!

When it comes to something so beautiful you just want to do it over and over again,mesmerizes you in every way possible how can anyone put that real feeling itself or the pleasure itself in words? It's just beyond words like I said......

And yet the song itself shows the beauty of love and feelings of those lovers.... It just glides smoothly over the love and I was really moved by it,cause I for one had thought that it wasn't really possible to put love in words or even show the depth of the feeling itself.

But clearly this particular song has really done it, if not that I'd at least say it is able to show a part of what love and the feeling is all about........

There is always a first time.

Well here I am writing some of my own thoughts to share with everyone else.Maybe some questions that bug me which I would like to ask all of you.

Okay now straight to what I'm here to say.

I'd read this somewhere that as we come into this world newborn babies we have endless possibilities, We can achieve almost everything we want,anything we want and in any manner we want.

But one always thinks that is it really true?

Are we really able to do all of this? or is it a mere delusion created by that unknown power which also created us?

Well I'd say, and after actually experiencing it or may be experiencing a part of it, What we do today affects our future in limitless ways, and also of those whose lives intervene with us. Every decision that we take leads us to a result,which also takes effects on others who are connected to our lives directly or indirectly. And if one can only imagine every small result which takes someone somewhere and a few others along with him directly or indirectly,one will easily be able to understand just how much, the power that we call GOD has to deal with. Which in other words would be yes I think the answer to the question I posed earlier is a yes,We do have limitless possibilities. But there is also a flaw in the plan which is again a beauty of this world, We are not able to reach our true potential in anything cause the very reason for it is us all of us. We have emotions and so many of them take an active role in how we make our decision what sort of decisions we make.

All I am trying to say is, Before taking any action,any decision, try to look at the big picture think of every way that your decision can affect yourself and others with you.

Felt good I don't know how many of you will read this actually but I personally felt good writing anyways.

Until next time.